Four years exactly to this day, you were brought into my life unexpectedly. You changed my life forever. I didn’t even know I had you inside me till 8 months along. I never knew you were growing and wanting me to be your mother. When I found out I had you in me, I was scared. Unfortunately you were a result of a bad event and I didn’t really know what to do. The first person to know was my father, I can see the pain in his eyes, like I let him down, but I didn’t. I didn’t have any control of the event or circumstances. To find out you were coming within a month was a lot. I didn’t have a belly, I had no signs or symptoms, and I had a period. The only reason I knew I had you was because I got terribly sick to my stomach. I couldn’t keep anything down. I made the decision of giving you up for adoption. I knew in my heart that this was the best decision I could’ve made. I didn’t have family support, I didn’t have a job, I had no car or license, I was a high school junior at the time, and I didn’t want to give you a life that I knew I could’ve given you more down the road. I wanted you to have a life most teen mom’s could never give their children. You’re life and happiness meant the world to me. I wanted you to have a life I was unable to provide for you. I told my mother instantly that I wanted to give you up for adoption. We went through this agency in Fresno, CA called Infant of Prague. They were the kindest most open hearted adoption agency I could ever go through. People back home didn’t know I had you inside me, they thought I was terribly ill and I had to undergo surgery. You were my precious secret. Through this agency, is where I found the perfect family for you. I knew the moment I saw them and interviewed them, that they were meant to be your family. I knew they could give you a life I wasn’t ever able to give to you. It was Saturday May 23, my mother and I went to take a birthing class together, which was actually fun to me. I ended up waking up at midnight to one am and my water broke. You were coming. It was scary. I was scared and worried. There are many complications of birth and I didn’t want a c-section. Thankfully the nurses there were all super nice and supportive. Then you came. You were born May 24 2015. My life would change forever. I made the choice to not see you. I told them it would hurt me to hold you in my arms knowing I wasn’t able to take you home with me. The night after I left, I cried. I laid there on the couch crying because my heart ached. I didn’t have you anymore. It’s the most painful decision, but it was for the best. I will always have so much love for you no matter how much time passes by. You’re my first born. You taught me what it’s like to love. I’m glad you put me through this experience. It’s made me a stronger and better person. I will love you forever and always Owen John Samuel.
Published by Sammy
My name is Samantha! I go by either Sam or Sammy. I am a psychology major at Cal. State University, Bakersfield. I am 21 years old. I love sports, traveling, food, writing, and spending time with friends and family. I have two dogs! My goal of this blog is to give women and men a voice. I want them to know they're not alone and I will be here for them, through anything that life throws at them! I want to also encourage people to become better versions of themselves, in order to be happy with who they are as a person. :) Follow my Instagram account @sam_basso1020 View all posts by Sammy