How to Improve Language communication

Be concrete and specific: Get in touch with your senses
Be Precise-Use details and examples to avoid ambiguity (“things” and “stuff”)

Use qualifying language to avoid generalizations: avoiding “never” and “always”
EXAMPLE:

“He’s hilarious.” (vague and generalized)

“Tom’s jokes are hilarious.” (better)

“When Tom told the joke about the watermelon, everyone laughed.” (even better)

Adapt language to your listeners (Who): Try to avoid jargon and slang the other person may not understand or may misinterpret ▣

Demonstrate linguistic sensitivity (Be respectful/polite, not sexist, racist, offensive, etc.) ▣

Use “I” statement: Avoid “you” statements. Improve your emotional vocabulary: Clearly articulate your “6th sense”

Improve Message Semantics: Be CONCRETE AND SPECIFIC ○Use concrete and precise language with details and examples to improve specificity. ◦Be CONCRETE: words that describe something that can be sensed ◦Name your senses.   What is the 6th sense? ◦Be PRECISE: Specific descriptive details ○AVOID AMBIGUITY (imprecise): words such as “things”

What kind of communicator are you?

There are four general categories of communication. First is the outspoken, direct, and assertive. These kind of people tend to stand up for own needs or wants. They’re usually more stubborn and set in their own ways and ideas. Also, tend to not like the idea of change. Second, are those who are quiet, reserved, or passive. These people avoid arguments, don’t really like confrontation, like to keep things peaceful, and usually just keep more to themselves. An example would be like if you and your partner got into a fight and they leave the room, that’s when they’re passive, reserved, etc. Third, are those who are thoughtful and analytical. You analyze certain situation, you don’t jump into conclusions right away, take your time, or you like to hear ideas, to name a few of ways to be like this. Lastly, are those who are friendly and unassuming. These people are modest, nonjudgmental, or unpretentious. I find myself falling into all of these ways of communicating, however I find myself in friendly because I have a personality where I’m open minded and I tend to get along with everyone. Which kind are you?

Flat lay pastel composition. background with mint colored notepad and eucaliptus on pink background

Being Mindful of Others

It is important to keep in mind about those around around you because your actions can effect them either negatively or positively. For example, if you live with someone and they have the habit of staying up late and coming home late, let them know ahead of time that you have to get up early in the morning or that you’ll be asleep by a certain time each night. That way they know to be quiet when they get home. It’s difficult to live with people at times, especially if your experiences are all new to them. Another example is, if there is a large group of people walking in front of you and there isn’t a way to go around them, just ask to say excuse me or pardon me, that way they can get out of the way. Those people can also be respectful and form a single file line. Every action can lead to another action. It is important to be looking up while walking, running, or any time you’re on your feet and to be aware of surroundings. If you’re out on a date and its cold outside and who ever you’re on a date with is clearly freezing cold, be generous and offer them your jacket or sweatshirt. Hold doors open for people because sometimes they have their hands full and may not always have a chance to open a door. Being mindful in a positive way can even change someones day. Let’s say your partner is having a rough day and you want to make them feel better. Doing little things for them can greatly change their mood. Buying flowers, taking them out for dinner, or giving them a massage to name a few can really impact them.

Childhood Sexual Abuse: How it can effect your child as an adult

Childhood sexual abuse hasn’t been studied a whole lot till more recently in the past few decades. It’s also something a lot of people are unaware of inside their own household or environment. When a child has been exposed to beatings, emotional abuse, such as foul language, or even sexual trauma to name a few it can have a huge effect on them greatly. Take a look at beating your child to start off. When your child goes to school and they show up with bruises, scars, or even serious injuries, it can raise concern from a teachers perspective. Then as an adult, they can inflict that same pain to their own children if they have any because that’s how they were raised as a child. Everything has a cause and an effect. As a parent you can potentially get your children taken away without even knowing it. You may think you’re doing the right thing but in reality you’re causing more harm than doing good. Sexually abuses your child is definitely a topic a lot of parents or anyone wants to talk about, but it is something that needs to be addressed. Abusing your child like that, especially at such a young age can make them feel so insecure about themselves and can leave ever lasting scars. It can effect the way they’re able to build relationships with other people especially friends or even a potentially spouse. They may never feel comfortable ever having sex as an adult ever again because of the trauma they had lived through and experienced. As a child, they don’t talk about those kinds of things because there is a fear of getting harmed from that parent, when they return from wherever they were at, like school or sports practice. There is a great risk of developing anxiety of any kind and even depression. Lastly, abusive language can leave a mark on your child and can reflect on how they develop as an adult. Abusive language can lead to your child abusing others with language because they don’t know anything else. Their social skills and development has been greatly impacted because it reflects back onto how they were raised. These three things are also things that can lead to crimes of any kind. We need to be aware of our actions as humans because it can leave impacts good or bad.

Arguments

We all experience arguments in our lives whether they’re positive or negative they happen even when it seems like it’s not in our control. There are different ways we can go upon arguments. For example, some people yell to get their point across, especially men. Men tend to bottle in their feelings more than women who tend to be more open and express our feelings differently. Take into consideration when you do yell at someone how they feel. I know whenever someone yells at me especially for no reason and it’s over something stupid. There are better ways to get your point across. If you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings then tell them the problem or whatever it is in a more calm way. It’s not okay to come about a more negative way. We tend to think more negative than positive naturally. Be that difference especially when it comes to our emotions. We are different but arguments in a negative way just creates more chaos than helps the situation. Also if you’re arguing with a woman and you’re a guy. The woman is always right. Even if she isn’t just roll with the punches. Other people approach arguments more calm. For example, I tend to calm first before bringing up a topic that can cause potential strain. Other kinds of arguments include humorous ones. Where people like to joke and have fun. For example, sports. There are a lot of people who enjoy sports and taking all about sports. Those are just a few. Just try not to start an argument with yelling you’ll end up hurting people more than doing good. I personally hate negativity. I try to be positive as much as I can, so when someone comes in and tries to ruin my mood it does take a toll on me because it’s a toxic mood no one wants.

Honestly baths help me calm down after arguments because it helps me clear my head and just release my mood swings.

Communicate as effectively as possible to avoid arguments. Communication is a huge factor when it comes to arguments. Here eachother other don’t try to voice over eachother. Listen to what the other person has to say.

Dating for Women

For women we are people who typically look for something more serious rather than someone just for friends with benefits or open relationship. We tend to want commitment from our partner because it shows us that they’re just as serious about us as we are about them. It’s like reassurance to us. From my point of view, I’ve noticed that through my life I was going towards men that didn’t want anything serious and just wanted a booty call, which wasn’t what I wanted but it still gave me the dating experience I needed to know what I want or didn’t want in my life long partner. Dating is a great way to get that experience. For example if you think you have a certain type then date that type you gravitate towards that way you know if this is something or someone you really do want. It’s good to have different experiences too because you need to think about what do you really want? I asked myself that before I met my boyfriend. I thought I knew but turned out I wasn’t sure. I went on a few dates here and there, which I learned from these experiences and lead me closer to finding my person. We also tend to get jealous very easily so being in an open relationship isn’t very ideal if you’re wanting to be serious with just one person. If you’re someone who wants an open relationship, props to you. I wouldn’t be able to do it. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. We all have our own insecurities and flaws, but finding that person who can not only accept your flaws but embraces them in a positive way should lead you down the right track. It helps to have self confidence too. That’s one of the characteristics most men tend to go for. If you’re someone who struggles with self confidence, that’s okay. Maybe you’re just not ready yet. I wasn’t ready yet for a very long time. I had to rediscover myself first. Discover what you really value too in someone. For example, I value honesty respect generosity and their strive towards goals they have set for themselves to name a few. I’ve looked back in my past and I realized and thought to myself why would I settle for less than what I deserve? I shouldn’t settle, I should want more. We all come from different backgrounds of the dating realm. Some of us with little experience some of us with a lot, as long as you take that time to really know what you want for yourself that should be your own priority.

Cheating

There are two types of cheating, emotional and physical. Depending on our gender too we tend to gravitate towards one over the other. Women tend to be in more pain when their partner emotionally cheats, whereas men tend to get upset when women physically cheat. When it comes to our emotions, we can’t sometimes help the way we feel about things. It makes us human when we have emotions. Sometimes it can be the reverse, but it’s more and likely for these specific genders to gravitate to these forms of cheating. For example, I remember when I found out a former ex of mine was talking to multiple women while dating me, it crushed my heart inside because it makes me question if I was ever good enough for them or what am I doing wrong for them to act out in this way. Later on as I’ve grown older and learned more with life experiences, it wasn’t my fault. I did nothing wrong. That person didn’t deserve my time or energy. He didn’t value me or treat me very well. I was constantly taken for granted. Another example for physical cheating is when a woman sleeps with someone else or a man. Those people tend to keeps those things a secret till their partner finds out and blows up in their face. If you’re married and you cheat accidentally on your partner be honest with them. Any form of substance such as drugs or alcohol can effect our actions and how we act. We don’t always have clear thoughts. Try your best to work it out. Family comes first in these times. In my own experience emotional cheating hurts worse than physical because you invest time, energy, money, etc into that one person which causes feelings to develop over time. Men tend to not take women’s feelings into account. It’s just an observation I’ve made not only from my own past experiences but also from friends and families experiences too. Women when they tend to physically cheat on their partner they typically don’t have feelings for their partner anymore, but also don’t want to break their partners heart. Taking time apart helps to respark that love interest again.

Photo of my sister and I